Today I visited my 91-year-old mother at her nursing home. She had a stroke 11 years ago and sort of went downhill from there. She's pretty much blind, very deaf, and hasn't known who I am for the past two years. They've just moved her to a floor where folks are more bedridden and such. I walked in on her sleeping and couldn't help but notice that she had a perma-frown on her face. My mum actually frowned for most of her life, so this is not surprising.
I remember hearing Maya Angelou on Oprah once. She said that the most important thing in parenting is "do your eyes light up when they come in the room?" I don't think my mother's eyes ever lit up, much less when my sister or I came into a room where she was sitting. (Poor mum had a hard life - I don't hold it against her at all.)
When I heard Maya say this it was a "doh!" moment. Of course - that's what parenting is all about. No matter what they've done, no matter what time it is, even when they're miserable *cough* teenagers* .... do your eyes light up. Ya.
I think my children were probably 15, 17 and 27 when I heard this and figured out that I probably frowned so much my face might just stay that way when I get to be 90. I can honestly say that just thinking about this every time my kids came into the room made a huge difference in our family life. Over the past 7 years I've had a moment or two with them where, like an idiot, I get in the middle of one of their fights. But most of the time I just enjoy the fact that I have these wonderful kids, and I don't sweat the small stuff.
When we take leadership within our own lives, our whole family gets healthier.
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