Last week I came out of the closet here on my blog - as a person with a history of the debilitating anxiety disorder "emetophobia" (fear of vomiting). Just so you know, I'm now convinced that I am completely recovered. Anxiety-free. As evidence of this I survived Norwalk recently with no anxiety. I survived listening to Alex have Norwalk in the house with me with no anxiety. And this past week I've survived combing through the internet looking for pictures and videos with the search word "vomit" with no anxiety. Well maybe a little. Just before I click "play." Anxiety 0/100. Grossedoutedness 100/100.
That's been my week pretty much. Reading about puke, looking at puke, talking about puke.
On the upside, I've met some awesome new clients via Skype. They are women from California, Texas, New York, Ontario, England and New Zealand. It's been awesome to be able to reach out a helping hand, an understanding ear, from so far away and an honour to come to know each of them. They are all smart, attractive, likable women. And their lives have been completely ruined from being terrified every minute of every day. Today I prayed for them but mainly for myself. I hope I know enough and am skilled enough to help them.
Today I did something I thought I would never do: watched the Crystal Cathedral worship service on TV. I sang the hymns and listened to the solos and scriptures and sermon. It was good. I felt close to God. I didn't care that I wasn't part of the faith community, because I felt a part of the community of saints. In fact, I was glad not to have to pass the peace (I hate that) and glad not to have to go for coffee and make idle chit chat with people. Besides, I was in my pajamas.
Don't worry, I'm not a convert. Next Sunday I look forward to joining again with my United Church sisters and brothers again at Ryerson United Church. Sans pajamas.
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