Leadership and the Dreaded E-mail

E-mail communication does not count as meaningful connection. It is not “meaningful.” Nothing could be more meaningless these days than hiding behind a computer screen like a coward. E-mails are one step worse than writing a letter. If the e-mail triggers an emotional response in the person on the receiving end, there is a possibility she can click “send” when her amygdala (the fear centre in her brain) is still firing DANGER!, rather than when her neocortex (the "thinking" part of her brain) has thoughtfully processed through all the information. For that matter, you may have clicked “send” under the same circumstances.

If the anxiety triggered in you is too high for you to be able to consider coping with a face-to-face meeting at this time, it is acceptable to begin the connection with an e-mail or a letter. The process you go through before sending the e-mail or the letter should look something like this:

 Compose the e-mail in a word-processing document first, so there is no risk you’ll click “send” too soon.
 Write in the letter what you’d really like to say if you didn’t care about the consequences. Print this letter out, burn it in your fireplace and delete the file from your computer. (I usually fill the time waiting for the letter to burn by stomping around the house screaming, but that’s just me.)
 Compose a wise, thoughtful, carefully worded letter to the other. Take as much time as is necessary for this. Don’t rush the process.
 Ensure that the letter defines self. It should not contain you statements, accusations, scolding, blame, insistence that the other change or imposing of your will upon the other.
 Ensure that the e-mail states the goal you wish to achieve through this communication and that it is proactive in suggesting a face-to-face meeting at a later time.
 Leave it for at least 24 hours.
 Read the letter again, being mindful of anything that could be misinterpreted by the other.
 Run this test: could I publish this e-mail in the Globe and Mail? If not, go back and reword it in such a way that you could.
 Have the most mature, integrated person that you know read the e-mail and point out any parts that sound angry, accusatory, or that could be misinterpreted.
 Rewrite it and leave it for another 24 hours.
 Reread it the next day, make any final adjustments and copy it to your e-mail software. Then say a prayer and click “send.”

The best way to meaningfully connect is in a face-to-face meeting. I know I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: in order to be a good leader, you have to talk to people. Folks in different forms of leadership often come to me for advice or share stories in my workshops about some problem or other that they have within their organization. I am continually blown away by the fact that very seldom have they even attempted to speak to the person or people involved in any kind of meaningful way.

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