24/7

Last week I talked about the necessity of leadership at all times - the idea that we can never get complacent and believe we have "arrived" at some place in our organization (or that our organization has "arrived" at some place). Today I want to talk about the necessity of leadership every minute of every day when you're among the people you work with. If this sounds like a colossal drag, discontinue reading and pour yourself a scotch [yes, I know it's 8 am].

Over the years there have been a number of times when I've gotten myself into trouble of some sort. When I look back, I'd say that 99% of those times it's been the direct result of miscommunication. I've said something without thinking, or I've said something without being clear about what I meant, and the other person walked away with the wrong idea. I've also noted recently that when I think back to these times, the person always "caught me off guard". By this I mean that the conversations were in hallways, at social events, or five minutes before an important meeting started. My head was somewhere else - and I blurted out a response to their question without taking the time to listen, absorb, clarify, respond. Hmmm, that seems like a handy little formula.

Listen
Absorb
Clarify
Respond

I'm almost 50. You'd think I'd have learned by now that my hallway/picnic/pre-meeting responses to people are the things that I always mess up, and you'd think I'd have learned to keep my mouth shut in those instances. Perhaps it's my personality type. I think of myself as a compulsive contributor. It's a form of arrogance, really. My subconscious experience must go something like this:

Geez, this person really has a problem with this/me/them. S/he's come to me for help. After all this time teaching leadership, I MUST be able to help and offer some wisdom. I'll just draw my own conclusions as to what this is about and blurt out the first response that comes into my head.

Doh!

Since hallway leadership comes right out of the automatic-response part of the brain (often known as the "reptilian" brain) leaders who get themselves into these situations eventually resemble two crocodiles trying to copulate in the missionary position. One word: "unsuccessful". Okay, one more word: "ridiculous".

I know enough after all these years that if someone breezes up to me angry, or starts yelling over the phone or writing their email in capital letters, I need to get them into my office to talk it out. Once I'm in my office, sitting in my "listening" chair, and they're on the couch across from me with a cup of coffee in their hand, I cannot be "had". Honestly. I think I have enough experience now that I know what to do in this situation regardless of what comes out of their mouths. But water cooler and Christmas-party responses to "hey, how's it going?" have a pretty high probability of going south.

How hard can it be, I wonder, to simply say "this sounds like it's really important to you. I'd like to give you my undivided attention. When can we sit down together and talk about this?" Although I fully understand intellectually that this is what is needed in leadership, it's a matter of remembering it when simple conversations take an eyebrow-raising turn, or you're broadsided by someone as you put your key into the door.

Not only do we have to lead at all times, but we have to lead all the time.

59/566