The Leader's Self-Care

Vacation
I'm on vacation. If you're like me and part of a caring profession this is known as time for "self-care". In fact there are a lot of books out there on "self-care for caregivers": clergy, nurses, counsellors, doctors. All the "nice" people. Folks who spend their lives helping others and getting paid for it. Helping professions seem to bring with them a particular kind of stress.

Most of the self-care stuff out there is about scheduling yourself to have time for family, hobbies and relaxation. There are other tricks to the self-care trade like incorporating yoga, prayer, and full-body relaxation methods. Stuff like listening to CDs of quiet music as waves crash and whales are hugged in the background.

I'm not really pooh-poohing all these things. I listen to whale-hugging CDs and practice centering prayer. I also schedule time during the week to be home with family and I have hobbies. Blogging's not a hobby. Yes it is. No it isn't. Well, talking to yourself while blogging is. Okay if you say so.

The problem is that lot of people do all these things and they still end up with stress, failing health, dodgy relationships and burnout. Others seem to thrive on hard work, and never have any problems.

Time off is not what reduces stress. What reduces stress is becoming more emotionally intelligent - more aware of your triggers for stress - and managing yourself differently in the face of that stress. Let's look at the common (yet silly) advice, "Don't take your work home with you." This is often told to counsellors and people who work with children and youth-at-risk. What it advocates is cutting off from your emotional reaction to the people or problems. Cramming your feelings under a trapdoor and trying to "not think of it" at home. Problem is, it eats away at your very cells while crammed under that door. You're just not aware of it until you get sick, or the emotions overflow into your closest relationships.


Emotional Intelligence is Key
Emotional intelligence means you become aware of the feelings you have in response to someone else's problem. It could go like this: "Gee that poor woman is getting discharged today, and she has 3 kids at home and her husband is no help. She's all alone and in pain. This really upsets me. It makes me feel both sad and afraid. I wouldn't want to experience such loneliness and abandonment." If the person thinking this could take just five minutes after work to really experience those emotions - maybe even cry a few tears - then she would not "take it home with her". But people don't take those five minutes. Why? Because they're afraid that if they start to really experience their own emotions they will slide down a slope into an abyss (of painful emotions) and never be able to get back out. In some cases, they're right. Not everyone should "try this at home". If you've never opened that trapdoor before, you might need some help in lifting the lid a crack and peeking inside. However, if you live a fairly pain-free life, you might want to give it a try. Just stop holding back what you want to feel (anger, fear, sadness) and let 'er rip. You may be surprised that it just doesn't last long, and you feel a whole lot better. Grandma wasn't so far off when she said "you just need a good cry." Neither was grandpa when he advocated "just go in the garage and take it out on the punching bag."


Self-Care Review

• vacations and time off isn't helpful if you bring your stress with you

• just "not thinking about it" only removes it from conscious thought and puts it into other relationships or into your cells

• your reaction to events at work or the workload itself is more of a problem than experiencing the events at work, or the workload

• your reaction to difficult situations and people is different than everyone else's reaction, therefore it is not a “given”

• you can change your reaction to people, events and your workload

• the first step in change is to be aware of your emotions

• experiencing your emotions is better than shutting them down